Choosing a church family:

St. Paul's LGBTQ+ ministry helps marginalized Catholics find belonging

Robin Roenker

The first time Nick Ralston attended Mass at St. Paul Catholic Church in downtown Lexington, a parishioner he didn’t know turned to him to tell him she was glad he was there and that he was welcomed. He immediately felt at home.

“She didn’t know if I was gay, straight or anything else. She just saw me as another person and welcomed me,” he says. Ralston, an openly gay man, grew up Catholic before drifting away because of his sexual orientation.

“Growing up at Sts. Francis and John [in Georgetown], nothing was ever mentioned about sexuality,” says Ralston, who started attending St. Paul three years ago. “It’s not that it was unwelcoming, but you never heard anything affirming, saying it’s OK if you’re LGBTQ+ and Catholic.”

At St. Paul, where Ralston now serves as parish council president, a sacristan and a minister of the Eucharist to the homebound, the affirmation of LGBTQ+ parishioners has been purposeful and heartfelt. The parish’s active LGBTQ+ ministry — led by Director of Stewardship, Interfaith and Music at the parish, Stan “JR” Zerkowski, Pastoral Associate Sister Clara Fehringer, Ralston and several other gay and straight allies within the parish — seeks to “build a community where all are welcome.”

“Jesus never said, ‘I love everyone except for this group or that group.’ It’s not our place to tell anyone they are not welcome,” Ralston says.

Welcome home

Before the pandemic, St. Paul’s LGBTQ+ ministry gathered monthly on Saturdays so that members could pray the Rosary together, attend Mass and then have a meal and faith sharing.

“When we started, we realized that this was a group of people who really wanted to feel a sense of belonging to the Church, but hadn’t felt welcomed,” says Sister Clara. “They were looking for a sense of community.”

“This [welcoming] is not something that we’re doing that’s radical. This comes from the heart of the Church and her teaching,” says Zerkowski, who has helped other parishes and schools in the diocese and beyond develop intentional outreach to LGBTQ+ people. He also serves as executive director of Fortunate Families, a national Catholic LGBTQ+ family, friends and allies ministry.

St. Paul’s has sponsored a booth at Lexington’s Pride Festival for the last several years, and during Pride Month each year the church hangs a rainbow banner outside, noting that “LGBTQ+ Catholics | Family, Friends, & Allies | All Are Welcome.”

These outward signs of acceptance have brought many former Catholics back into membership at St. Paul, including one who had been away from the Church for 30 years, Zerkowski says. Because of its leadership in embracing LGBTQ+ members, this ministry became the springboard for the Diocese of Lexington Catholic LGBT Ministry, which Zerkowski leads under the auspices of the diocesan Peace and Justice Office. Zerkowski adds that the success of the ministry would not be possible without the steadfast support of Lexington Bishop John Stowe, OFM Conv.

“Bishop John has a heart for justice. I came to him at the beginning of this ministry and asked if we could reach out to Catholics on the margins,” Zerkowski says. “He believed in that dream and has been a steady guide.”

This occurs as the Church works to adopt the pastoral cues of Pope Francis for ministering to this community. These include his 2013 “Who am I to judge?” remark, his 2015 audience with a former student and his same-sex partner and the news last year that the pope supports same-sex civil unions, a position the Vatican says does not affect the Church’s teaching on marriage.

Outreach and support

While Ralston is grateful to have found a faith community that is welcoming to him, he is quick to point out that St. Paul has a reputation for being accepting of everyone. This open-door, come-as-you-are policy gets at the heart of the Gospel’s message, he believes.

“At St. Paul, you can see and feel the living Body of Jesus,” Ralston says. He notes that St. Paul’s pastor, Father Richard Watson, has been fully supportive of the parish’s inclusiveness and celebration of diversity since his arrival.

“This is not just about LGBTQ+ issues,” Ralston adds. “Many of us in our ministry have stood in support of others in the Catholic Church — such as our Hispanic and immigrant brothers and sisters — who may also have felt ostracized or outcast at times.”

Knowing firsthand what it feels like to be marginalized, Ralston has made inclusivity the hallmark of his leadership on the St. Paul parish council.

Current priorities for the council include bridging the gap between the church’s English-speaking and Spanish-speaking members, reaching out to older members who may feel isolated during COVID-19 and helping all parishioners maintain a feeling of connectedness to the church community during this time of social distancing.

“Nick has a great desire to include everyone in discussions,” says Sister Clara. “He invites everyone to be a part of the conversation.”

“Nick had been tremendously alienated from the Church, but he came back and took a chance and has been a key part of our LGBTQ+ ministry since its very first meeting,” says Zerkowski. “He has been for me a source of strength and an example of the power of God to welcome folks back from the periphery.”

At St. Paul, Ralston has been thankful to have the support of a church family that believes in his leadership abilities and that allows him to be his true self — in all its aspects.

“The church community here takes the time to get to know each other as people,” Ralston says. “So, they see that I’m more than just a gay man. I’m also a brother, a son, a human resources professional and a crazy cat dad.”

He adds: “When we’re able to get to know each other and make that human connection, some of the assumptions and stereotypes people may have about the LGBTQ+ community fade away.”